Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Hogwarts Survival Guide

I was thinking--a dangerous and frightening human past-time--about that poor, unfortunate Muggle who received my Hogwarts letter by mistake and is now stumbling around Hogwarts, failing all his classes, and bringing shame to his family.
Ouch.
I decided to take pity on this poor soul and help him through his challenging times, and give him this handy Hogwarts survival guide. Let's begin.
Rule #1:
When summoned to the Headmaster's office, please DO NOT ARGUE with Snape's portrait.
Ooh, look it's Snape! I think I'll make a bunch of Lily references in front of him because he's a portrait! He can't do anything!
Just. No. Please.
I understand that maybe you'd like to see Snape's sentimental side for yourself, but PLEASE FOR MERLIN'S SAKE JUST DON'T!
Rule #2:
Unless speaking to Mr. Weasley, please refrain from excessive explanations of the function of rubber ducks.
Why? Well--

I'm sorry.
Rule #3:
Do not show any wizards who are not Muggle-borns or of any relation to Muggles the Harry Potter books.
You will cause all of this paranoia and then we will have to question the universe and our purpose in life and all that good stuff.
Rule #4:
When meeting any HP character from the books, please do not pounce on them and rip up their hair and/or clothing.
We just can't deal with the lawsuits anymore. Trust me I know from my near 10 years in Azkaban experience.
Rule #5:
That's it.
So, enjoy your time at Hogwarts, I guess. And I forgive you for the letter mix-up. Sort of. A little. Not that much. Not a bit. Absolutely not.

Mischief Managed!
~Hermione

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4 comments:

  1. EmilyJuly 5, 2013 at 10:34 AM

    THAT'S what's happened! THAT'S where my letter is! It all makes so much more sense! Thanks for clearing that up, Hermione! Hehehe, maybe one day I'll write a fanfic where this actually happens...XD

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hermione ThérnadierJuly 5, 2013 at 1:55 PM

      Yup, we all have that one poor child who ended up with our letter...right now there's probably some poor, confused soul tripping over his own feet around Hogwarts and remains very confused as to why people keep calling him or her "Emily".

      Delete
  2. AnonymousJuly 20, 2013 at 2:57 PM

    Lol, this is so funny; you made me laugh! Brill post! :D xx

    ReplyDelete

Hi! I always LOVE to hear what my readers have to say, and it would make my day if you would comment! I'm sure you all know what's accepted and what's not, so I'm not going to bug you with a bunch of rules. Pretty much keep it clean, no profanity, and no flaming. Thanks!
Hermione

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